Your blue pouch

You don’t know that I feel hard to start writing about you without mentioning your name at first.  At the same time I feel name not necessary, then I just move on. Am supremely confident that when you read this letter, you will understand it is addressed to you. Moreover this letter starts with ‘you’.

          

            I wonder why only your memories bring me more happiness than any. I feel happy when I talk with you, when I memorize you and the fact that I was with you long ago. Wish in your mind I appear seldom.

           

           You had a sky blue jeans pouch with you. You used take out money from it whenever we fought for paying bills. Remember?  I liked that pouch.  I liked the color of it and mostly I liked for it was been with you most of the times. A non living thing that so lucky than me

            

           That day we were been to temple in an evening. I did not pray. I watched you praying. You closed your eyes not so long and spoke something yourself. We then sat at stairs. You asked what I did pray. I don’t remember what I replied but I still remember that I thanked god for being reason for me to be with you. I cracked some jokes and you laughed beautifully. I realized that whole happiness of my life lies within your smile. At the temple, in front of god, your smile looked so devoted. First time I liked god.

          

            Once we were having tea at college canteen. We were talking along sipping hot tea. You remembered something and unzipped your bag, took Goodday biscuits. You asked to have some. We ate few of them. I asked if you want to have anything. You said no. It was our first encounter at canteen.

          

               I like you, you know it. You may even know that it is not just ‘like’. It is something much more. It is something you cannot judge. It is something that keeps me going. It is something can’t explainable. It’s not liking nor loving. 

To you,

            I don’t know how to start this letter. I wrote and erased hundred words before started this one. I don’t know from where to start. I don’t have any idea what to write about you. So, I just go with whatever my heart says, I write straight from heart. No matter what you think.

            Sometimes I think I should start with our first meet at college in that fine evening. Sometimes my heart says I better start with our first day out. My mind is still hovering.

            That evening we were having noodles together, sitting opposite. I was shivering inside. There were few guys at the noodle stall. They were looking at us thinking we are pair. But we were not. We were just friends, In fact, best friends. You were still struggling use the fork with noodles. I was finished half of plate.

            Getting drunk and making call to girl friend is not considered polite in India. But I did that to you. But I talked in polite way. I did not scream. I did not use bad words in texts. In the morning when I was in full of hangover, you called me. You told all the texts I sent you. You told me that the way I behaved previous night was not good. You know? The way you told it was also not good.  You considered it as if I came straight to your PG and knocked your door.

            You did avoid me. I was hurt not because you avoided me, but because I believed that you were not like rest of the girls in the world. There were hundreds of ways to make things better, but you decided to avoid me just like any other girls does. Thank you.

            You may think I’m not a good friend. You may even think I was been a good friend to you but I secretly started loving you. Yes, but I was not sure I was really in love. But I always did care you more than a friend. It was like more than a friendship, little less than love or beyond both.

            I invited you to dinner. You said NO. No explanations further.

For any girl, the easiest and powerful way of getting rid of boy is avoiding. You thought avoiding me was good for both of us. But it was not. You just escaped knowing it was not good for me.

I always knew that there is no place for my emotions in your heart. You are like an endless ocean, where I set a sail in that ocean in search of seashore. I never reach a coast; I never see a silver line on cloud. But I keep sailing caused by wind of your memories. It takes me to place I never been before.

Still I’m thinking what actually I expecting. I don’t expect your emotions towards me (I know it’s not possible). We can’t be a pair (but still a better love story than Twilight).